21 February 2008

Can moms be close to their boys when they are adults?

A comment to one of my recent posts had me wondering about this...when my boys are all grown up, will I still be close to them? Can a mom be close to her son when he is an adult?

A lot is said about mother-daughter relationships, and I, myself, have a wonderful relationship with my mother. But, not too much is said about mother-son relationships. You don't hear too much about mothers spending a lot of time with their grown-up sons. Sure, you hear about the sons coming back home for a home-cooked meal. Or you hear about sons coming around during the holidays. But you just don't hear about sons just spending time with their moms as adults.

It makes me wonder...am I going to feel a deep sense of loss when my boys grow up and leave the nest? And, as the person who commented in my post said, is it then that I am going to wish that I had been blessed with a girl?

I know this time is a long way off for me since my youngest is only five, but thinking about this makes me want to do all I can to stay close to my sons now...in hopes that we will remain close as adults. Am I being silly?

9 comments:

Pinching Abe said...

I think you can be close if you stay connected. I am not saying there should be apron strings that need cutting later on, but there is such a stigma attached to being a "momma's boy" you know? I hope to be close to my kids when they grow up. My mom and I used to be close and now I wonder if I even pass through her mind once a year... But as long as you foster a loving relationship now when they are young, they will be close to you later, I think :)

Money Blue Book said...

Interesting issue...in my opinion, I think unlike daughters, sons want to firmly assert their independence and strike it out on their own when they become adults.

Personally I love my mom, but would prefer to do things myself even if that meant making mistakes. But I would want my mom to always be there if I ever needed financial support (sometimes emotional, but rarely) or other safety net help. I am glad my mom always understood and never tried to smother me.
-Raymond

Vicki said...

Yikes...another thing to worry about! As a mother of 3 boys, I can't imagine having them far from me, not sharing their ideas, fears, etc...I am hoping I can hold onto them way past the teenage years.

Thanks!

Jenny said...

thanks for dropping by my site and commenting. i really appreciate it. hope to see you come by again soon!

Jack said...

I am 38 and I still talk to my mom. I think that it really depends on how you raise them.

allrileyedup said...

I like to believe that this is one of those "to each their own" kinds of situations. I love my son and I'm very close to him, and I hope to always be (I have a daughter too, and I hope to be close to her too).

Chief Family Officer said...

I'm assuming it was my comment that provoked this post, so let me just add that I have every intention of remaining close to my sons as they grow up. I have high hopes (foolishly, perhaps) that long after they've moved out of my house, they continue to call me for career, financial, and relationship advice, as well as everyday chit chat. That they come over regularly for their favorite meals. And that their wives are intimidated because no woman could measure up to Mom in their eyes. (Oops. Maybe I'm overdoing it on that last part.)

But the bottom line is that I'll be on the sidelines when they plan their weddings (thank goodness for the rehearsal dinner - LOL!). That's when I think it will hit me - when they're getting married and there's another woman taking center stage in their lives. On the other hand, I suppose this is how dads feel about their daughters.

Linney Shvede said...

The thing you have to realize and allow for is the separation that is natural when they reach adolescence. Your relation changes a little then and I find I have to watch what I say or how I say it...can't call him (17) my little buddy in public any more. I am hoping as long as I am respectful of his need for independence, he will not pull away too much more than is naturally to be expected. You reach a point where you have to treat him like a man, and not your little boy even though you think of him that way forever...very hard to do. So far it is working...he still comes in the den to hang out with me etc...I have seen too many moms "expect" that closeness from their older boys and it comes back to bite them in the butt. Just let them become men and you will have a relationship, different mind you, but healthy.

Michelle said...

Yes, Chief Family Officer--yours was the comment that made me think about writing this post. :) I think you are right, that it will really hit me with my sons when they go to get married...I just hope that they end up choosing women with whom I can get along well. After all, I definitely would want to spend a lot of time with any grandchildren I would have, so a good relationship with a daughter-in-law would be crucial...

But, that is soooo far in the future it almost seems silly to be thinking about it.